Fried Baloney Hole

TIVO is beautiful. I never watch TV when Erron is out of town so when he gets home I admit there is a little Giada here and a little Axmen there. Now that the writers' strike is over and 30 Rock and the Office are back the one liners are flying left and right. Mostly left. My favorite from 30 Rock was Liz Lemon yelling at Kenneth to keep his fried baloney hole shut. Kenneth is an uneducated very sweet guy from the south who always gets in sticky situations. I can't wait to use it. Wait, I think I just did. The people here are too nice though. I can't even give out my blog here because I don't want to hurt their feelings. My innate sarcasm and dark humor don't really fit in. Bad Tam needs another outlet. Maybe I should write a book.

So the stupid ants are back. This time in the boys' bathroom. The kids won't even go in there so we are filing through the master bath. And the stove saga continues. It either quits in the middle of cooking something or has a fit at the end. Beep! Beep! Beep! F1! F1! STUPID STOVE! You know? Guns are very big here. Walmart even has them. I could just use one on the oven. My menu planning is in a tailspin because I can't rely on the stupid thing. Anyone have any recipes that only require stove top or microwave? On second though nix the microwave because that thing is useless.

Speaking of guns. Tripped to Walmart today for supplies to give to the missionaries tomorrow at the primary activity. I took Dane out of the cart at the check out because it was the perfect height for him to reach over and spin the check-out bag holder thing around and around. He pulled a Dane and within 1.2 seconds was nowhere to be seen. Kale, Reagan, and I do a strategic splitting of the aisles and take turns hollering, "Dane". Oh, it was fun. And then I hear it. A little laugh with a video game background. I turn my head and there is my future red neck son with a rifle taller than he is shooting at something on a screen. MORTIFICATION! Really, you are kidding me right? And then we get home with milk shakes from the Steak & Shake to celebrate the end of state testing and Dane has to go potty. Well, after completely disrobing - can't potty with our shirt on you know -Dane proceeds back to the table NAKED. I skid across the kitchen floor to at least put on his undies and what does he proceed to do? Pull out the front of his undies and dump banana milk shake down. So proud. No, there are no pictures of this.

Can you see our future? Reagan an all-american volleyball player for USC, Kale a dancer at the Polynesian Culture Center among his fellow white Samoans and Dane the future Red Neck Comedian. Think Larry The Cable Guy. Hunting squirrels with rifles that could kill an elephant and then pouring stuff down his pants. I went through labor with an epidural that didn't work to deliver a 10' 4" baby naturally for him to do that? Oh, I don't think so.

On an even funner thought. I haven't seen my lil sis for about three years. She lives in Houston and this plan began to formulate in my mind. Road trip - Knoxville to Houston with a little side through my old mission haunts and to see a friend in Dallas. Knoxville, Memphis, Dallas and then Houston. My first concern was whether the kids would mutiny if I mentioned another road trip. "Reagan and Kale how do you feel about going to see aunt Wendy in Houston after school gets out." I sweeten the deal with the fact that she has a pool. They want to know how many days driving and the hours and all that fun stuff so I tell then we would spend the the first night in Memphis and then on to Dallas blah blah blah. Immediately Reagan perks up. "Memphis?" "Isn't that where Graceland is? Can we please go see Elvis's house please, please?" Really, I was impressed that she knew that Graceland was in Memphis so I asked her how she knew that. "Well, there was this Full House were Joey want to go to Graceland for Christmas and Becky wants to go to Nebraska and they decide to go to Nebraska for Thanksgiving and Graceland for Christmas and they get stuck in an airport. Joey loves Elvis and always sings his songs and has his hair cut and it is so cool." That was a one breath answer. A television show from 20 years ago is running my life. John Stamos is still cool and Elvis lives. The kids are so excited. Kale is practicing the Elvis lip thing and Reagan has already emailed her friends.

I may be committed now. If I am not will somebody please commit me.

A little side note. My GPS birthday present came this week and it has all these nifty features like voice and you can download books and music onto it too. Erron was setting it all up for me and he asked, "Do you want it to give you directions in a mans' voice or a womans'?" Is it hard to figure out my answer?